A giant of a man, he strode through life. In October, none would have thought that just months ago my father had been hovering between life and death. For 11 days during the advent of lockdown, my father had been unconscious on ventilator support. It was a mere gastric upset, but since he was diabetic it led to acute kidney issues.
A lot of healing and good wishes, his own will power and selfless love of ma, and us, got him back to walking 8000 steps a day (he would record his steps using an app, and proudly displayed his feats). So by end September he was back to vigorous health.
One Thursday night, just before going into deep sleep, in that semi-lucid sleep state, I saw him astral travelling in a CCU ward, while his physical body lay still. In an astral body, my father turned looked at me and began a conversation. “Well” he asked, “what about your soulmate/ partner, have you found him yet? In an astral state, I brushed the question aside and said, “Don’t worry about all that. You move on, I will be fine.”
As I reflected on the astral revelation, I questioned myself “What-the-f**k, who is giving whom permission to move on where?” Then consoled myself with ‘It’s just a worried mind, my brain’s fried with all the tension over the last few months.’
Now exactly two days from this astral encounter, my dad, was assured by his doc that he was officially fine. His docs and nurses saw him more as a living miracle – from lying on deathbed to striding 6 km a day – it was something that cheered the hospital grim with Corona Blues.
Given a clean chit of health, pa decided to celebrate with a plate of fried goodies.
It triggered a tummy upset. Then came high temperature. As I applied cold packs every hour to reduce the fever, it was late at night when I got back to my bed. Once again in a lucid state I saw ourselves in a CCU, this time I was standing at the door and could see the sit out area. What was strange was the whole CCU was extremely detailed. Besides I was not just replaying scenes from the earlier illness. This was a cardiac care unit not an ICU where he had been earlier. The vision repeated, sent a strange feeling through me. It should have been chilling, yet I was strangely calm.
Anyway thanks to all our ministrations, his temperature reduced, he was talking lucidly. His appetite was back. Mr Miracle Man was back.
Two days into the recovery, he developed palpitations late in the evening and I insisted we take him to the hospital again. Was I being overcautious? Everyone advised against it, as the palpitations were minor, the risks of Corona high, besides he was eating well, a clear sign pa was fine. Anyway, I insisted and a cousin drove us. At the hospital, dad impatiently got out of the car, levered himself onto the stretcher, with a look of “Hey, I am no invalid, but I’ll humour you.”
As dad lay down on the stretcher, he looked at me, I felt those eyes asked me “Will you be fine, will you be okay?”
Something deep inside me responded with ‘don’t worry, I will be fine’.
By now these hospital trips were common place for us, he had been seriously ill a couple of times before and against all odds would come back. As usual they told us he was critical, we had heard those words so many times before we didn’t react.
After the initial critical care, the docs informed us that he needed an ICU bed, but none were available. Since my brother knew the director of the hospital, he pulled strings. Through his influence we got a CCU bed organized.
It was as he was being wheeled into the CCU, that I realized the entire scene was playing out exactly as it had been shown in the astral vision. The realisation hit me hard like a gut punch. “Oh God, noooo”. But my brother and cousins were very positive and optimistic.
It was like a car crash in slow motion. I felt numb. As things unfolded with chilling precision, I heard a voice say “watch magic unfold”.
He passed over at 2:51a.m on Oct 14 2020.
Just 14 days later, here I am sharing this with you. One side of me is utterly certainly, inwardly aligned. For even 14 days after his death, I feel his presence.
Another side of me is grieving, shocked, confused and puzzled.
It is clear that one side of me knew that my dad was planning on leaving this life.
It is clear, shockingly clear, that both of us at a deep level were weighing responsibilities, things done, things left undone. Clearly my dad at an astral level was asking, “Is it ok if I die now? Are you strong enough to live a future without me?”
It is clear, terrifyingly clear, that one side of me, said ‘Ok dad, if you have to die, it’s ok. Go ahead, I’ll be fine.’ What is this side of me? Who is this me who could hear my dad say: Ok, a headsup, I’m thinking of dying in a few days, will you be ok about it? And that me answering calmly: ‘Ok dad go ahead, no problem.’
And then as astral prediction and reality met in the CCU, whose was the voice which said: “Watch the magic unfold”?
“This is magic? My dad dying after beating death?”
“This is magic? His leaving this terrible void?”
In the astral conversation I had assured dad I would be ok. Not once. But twice. Bloody hell it is not ok. In fact it was ugly as sin, when relatives simperingly asked ‘If they could take a carved altar that gave dad such prayerful contentment.’ Bloody hell it is not ok, he’s barely in the ground and we have scraps developing over… Bloody hell…’